I had this revelation the other day that I like being a kid. I was reading a friends blog and it was so good, but immediately after reading it I tried to tell myself to get up off my butt and start writing like them. I realized in that moment that I’ve been spending my entire life trying to be everyone else but me. The truth is I don’t want to write like other people –I want to write like a kid that’s a grown woman but I’ve always been too afraid to do that. I’ve been lying to myself most of my adult life because of past hurts and because I’ve never allowed myself to truly be the bright radiant being that I truly am. There’s a deeper story about that, but I’m finally going through a period where I’m starting to say FUCK THAT.
The truth is I’m a big kid that loves to be goofy and dorky. I used to love but secretly hate this about myself. I thought I would never find a man who appreciated these traits and I constantly compared myself to beautiful goddess women who look like sexy adult women. I always felt like I looked like a kid and quite honestly so many people think I’m WAY younger than I am and as much as women love hearing that – I secretly HATED it.
I remember being a teenager and how I used to think I can’t wait to be older and look more like an adult. Well I grew older and somehow I still looked like a teenager (hashtag FAIL). Well at least in my mind I thought this was a failure in my life, it was one of the ways I hated on myself. I’m telling you all of this because it was something I loved about myself but hadn’t and couldn’t fully accept. I wanted to be a kid at heart but I also wanted to look like a grown woman. The only reason I wanted to look like a grown woman was because I constantly compared myself to others and because I was afraid I would never find the right man for me if I wasn’t a REAL grown woman. I really hope this is making some of you laugh, because I am. LOL.
Well guess what world and Trinidad’s voices in her head – I’m a grown ass woman and I’m beautiful and I look like a teenager and that’s fucking awesome! Oh and I also happen to be dating a king of man aka Mike Chang. So I guess dreams do come true. I get to act and look like a kid, act and look like a grown woman AND have an incredible man by my side. So HA! Mike says he loves that I’m a kid at heart and he thinks that’s my secret sauce I use to stay young –SHHHH! DON’T TELL ANYONE! It’s not true – you will NOT look younger if you act like a kid. Just had to add that disclaimer in case any of you try that – LOL.
What does this have to do with this blog? I finally realized that I want to write from my kid heart conjointly with my grown woman soul. There’s a lot in this massive universe of mine and I can’t wait to share all my stories with all of you. I changed my blog name from Trinidad de Luz (meaning ‘3 of light’ and which will still be my writing moniker unless I come up with something better – lol). You can read about why I decided to change my name to Trinidad de Luz here.
Why Conscious Kung Fu? Because I’m going to kung-fu the shit out of life with love, presence, and kick ass revelations. That’s the short version, but just know that it’s going to be awesome. Real fucking awesome. Plus naming my blog Trinidad de Luz is way to grown up. WAY TOO GROWN UP. Conscious Kung Fu –now that’s more like me.