As the dolphins 🐬 spoke to me telepathically to let me know all of creation awaited this moment, I felt their presence and heard them cheering as Mike Chang got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.
I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life. I knew deep inside that soul mates do exist. I remember telling God without a shadow of doubt in my heart, “I don’t know what I want bc You keep sending me exactly what I ask for and it’s just not exactly what I need. I know You hear my heart and I believe You’re a good God. I know You know exactly what I need and I trust Your decision.” Mike showed up I believe 7 months later. I denied my attraction to him bc I denied the fact that I liked Asians. I denied dating Asians bc I denied myself.
Mike is the first man in my life that I’ve ever partnered with that I trusted enough to look deeper into the lies I told myself. He showed me areas I was afraid to look at and loved me through it. It wasn’t easy for either of us bc we both had to do deep deep work inside our souls bc we both built walls against love and lies to create thick egos that served ourselves instead of serving each other and humanity.
We’re still learning A LOT and by no means are we perfect. This is by far the hardest relationship I’ve EVER been in yet the Most REWARDING bc one thing still remains — our commitment to ourselves and our commitment to each other. Without that we would have fallen apart.
Mike and I reflect and project so much with each other and we’re still learning what is our own by learning how to love ourselves. He is the greatest mirror, teacher, and lover I have ever had.
I remember finally seeing him for the first time at enchanted rock. We got lost for 10 hours and I heard my ancestors tell me they brought us together. I received a vision where Mike and I were floating on flat round baskets, levitating in the air with our Asian tribe. I could not deny that God brought this man into my life.
Since then angels have come to tell me in visions that they brought us together for a great work that is beyond us. In India, they took me out into outer space and showed me the world 🌎 🌍 🌏. They took a huge feather and used it to spin the earth 🌎. They told me that Mike and I were brought together to heal the earth. I honestly didn’t know what this meant bc it scared the crap 💩 out of me. But as my internal journey deepened my vision started to get clearer.
I started journeying with Ayahausca bc I kept denying my connection to Source, Spirit, Universe, God. Mike and I both did this. In every single journey I connected deep to the earth, the plants, and the animals. I kept getting visions full of multicolored animals and I kept seeing me with friends creating something to heal the earth. I saw my kids and I saw me teaching them about the world. I saw my friends thanking me bc their abilities started to awaken. This all left me in deep turmoil bc I had no idea what the heck it all meant.
I started to hear the earth, plants, & water speak to me. They told me they wanted me to be their voice. They started speaking deep truths to me, and it would impact me for a fleeting moment. I kept getting stuck in my own drama of sadness, victim, shame. Mike kept helping me to get up and keep going bc he believed in me more than I believed in myself at times. He kept showing me my worth but he couldn’t do this for me I had to. That’s when I took the trip to India. India was where I learned to trust God again and India was where I learned to trust myself again.
I came back right after the vision with the angels spinning the earth with the feather. It was premature bc I was supposed to stay in India for 6 months. The guru was calling me out on all my shit and it sucked. Also, my sexual energy was waking up bc of the practice I was doing – the tridoshas, the breathwork, and my own self pleasure practice. Of course all this made me miss Mike and I wanted to run home and be with him and he also wanted me to come back. We both knew we both still had a lot of work to do and we both knew we weren’t going to be perfect bc we had attachments and insecurities still. That’s when I did a Merkaba meditation in my dorm room at the ashram in India and that’s when I got the vision of the angels. They told me that Mike and I had great work to do and I needed to go home for both of us. So I came back to the US knowing that we still had lots of work to do in our relationship.
And it wasn’t easy. We cycled bad patterns back and forth. Blamed each other. Judged each other. Hated each other and wanted to leave multiple times. The truth was deep down inside we both knew it was our own selves, attachments we had to our perceptions, and patterns from wounds that we needed to heal within ourselves.
July – August 2018. It was a stressful time with lots of decisions. We were in the middle of finalizing fixing the house, we were trying to figure out if we were buying land to start a spiritual center in the Philippines or South America or hitting the road to start #van life, having lots of communication problems in our relationship, and planning a trip to burning man. Stress was an understatement. Mike was taking his stress out on me and we kept getting in fights. I wasn’t helping by being a victim, but I finally stood my ground and told him we needed to take a break.
During the break, Mike realized a lot of things about himself and about me by getting help from our dear friends James and Mei-Lan. They helped us to both be aware of the 3rd energy that exists within a relationship. He realized things I had to said to him were truths, truths I wasn’t confident I knew but truths I felt deep in my bones. Like building bridges instead of creating walls. Like always saying I love you no matter how the fight, argument, disagreement ended. Like caring about each other and not just our own personal development (sometimes he was more focused on fixing himself than being present to fix us). So many things.
We ended up getting back together 3 weeks later bc he agreed to finally get couples coaching (which btw we still have yet to do bc there’s still some resistance in getting help). When we met up with Brave and Megan I was in resistance to being in a relationship with Mike, but Mike, Brave, and Megan all believed the best way to heal a relationship was to be committed to the relationship and to be together so we could work through the triggers together. Reluctantly, but also wanting union and love to flourish I decided their was wisdom in what they were saying. It took everything in me to agree. And don’t get me wrong, it took a lot for Mike to even agree to get help from friends so we we’re definitely moving in the right direction. I think sometimes men are afraid to get help bc they don’t want to admit they have a weakness.
Weakness doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you have room to grow and lessons to learn.Things seemed to get better and we both put off the coaching, but our wounds started to resurface and mine came in full force bc I felt like Mike had tricked me into getting back together. I felt like he wasn’t keeping his word about the coaching and he wasn’t, but the truth was I was afraid to be coached bc I felt like they would see through all my shit and it would mean that I wasn’t enough. So as much as I wanted to judge and blame him the truth was I was judging and blaming myself and I didn’t want to take ownership for it. The easier thing was to blame him so I didn’t have to feel the emotions of guilt, shame, and unworthiness. I was in denial and honestly so was Mike. So yay the cycle continued.
I knew if we didn’t get help things were only going to get worse. I started expressing taking time away again. Time to be alone. Time to look at my shit. Time to stop reacting. Time to heal my own wounds so I could be strong enough to hold the container if Mikes wounds flared. Time. Time to finally love myself so that I could create healthy boundaries. Time to love myself so I could stop beating myself up. Time to love myself fully so I could stop hating him and hating me.
James and Mei joined our team in the midst of all this chaos. James and Mei helped us significantly so much so I decided to stay. James helped Mike to be more tender and talk with a kinder tone. Mei helped me to dive into my feminine and they both helped us with our language and communication. Things really started to get better by leaps and bounds.
So now we’re in Hawaii. We’re actually on our way to ride horses in Waipi’o valley. This trip hasn’t been easy or perfect by any means. We got into arguments and disagreements. Our inner child work is surfacing bc I’m in a womb wisdom class and it’s making me face all my shit and indirectly it’s causing Mikes wounds to surface and yeah it hasn’t been the most romantic getaway someone could have hoped for, but what it is showing us is our true commitment to each other and our own selves.On February 3rd we went to Rainbow Falls, played with some cute ass goats 🐐 and checked into our dream home on a cliff overlooking a couple of small waterfalls. It was one of those perfect days where everything just seems magical. That night in our Airbnb home we started brainstorming our life together and what it would look like to start a consciousness/mindfulness/fitness company that had a nonprofit side to it where our mission was to eradicate human trafficking from the world and help preserve the earth and its animals. The vision was beautiful and so perfectly aligned. Our hearts were full, eyes smiling, and souls filled to the brim with the vision of our future. I started to get a feeling that I could hear the dolphins speaking to me. They sounded excited about what we were envisioning. They even started talking to me confirming things in my heart. I started to feel all the animals and plants and all of creation saying yes yes yes keep going. I’m talking out loud and declaring how everything will be in our future, Mike goes to the other room, and my heart feels complete and happy. The next thing I know, Mikes on one knee with the biggest smile on his face and deep love and conviction in his eyes. I knew what was happening and the small self in me goes but this isn’t in public where everyone can see. And then I feel all of creation – the dolphins, the birds, the trees, the plants the whole entire planet earth tell me they’re watching and I hear my Authentic Soul Self say I’m watching and that’s all that matters. I realize this is exactly what I had always dreamed of and it was absolutely perfect.
And I said yes. Yes to Mike. Yes to commitment. Yes to a life of working on ourselves and with each other. Yes to loving him for the rest of my life through thick and thin. Through all the ugly bad and worst. Yes to all the good. Yes to all the dreams. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes bc it’s work. Yes bc sometimes love isn’t perfect and sometimes it’s sloppy. Yes bc I’m committed to myself and so is he. Yes to us and yes to man of my dreams.
Yes. I said yes.