You know that moment…
When you want to speak your truth, but for whatever reason you don’t.
You’re trying to impress your friends or “fit” in or it’s because you don’t want your lover to leave so you tell them what they want to hear or maybe it’s telling your family exactly what they want to hear so you don’t have to get in that fight anymore because they know what’s best and not you.
You know exactly what I’m talking about.
You also know that’s pretty much the beginning of the end.
It’s in those moments that you die just a little bit every time because you’re trying to be someone you clearly are not.
The thing is you actually have a choice…
But you’ve been programmed since childhood to fit in, to not cry, to shut up and to not speak what you really want to say.
And maybe you’re one of the lucky ones–who grew up with loving parents who had emotional intelligence who showed you love in every moment–even when they disciplined you. If you are a lucky one, I hope you’re grateful for your upbringing because the rest of us are in a constant battle to learn how to love ourselves back to wholeness.
No it doesn’t have to be a battle but when your mind is programmed so deeply and you keep trying to change and then when you repeat your patterns it begins to feel like you’re at war with your mind. You feel stuck. You feel hopeless. You get angry. You feel shameful. You feel guilty because you keep doing the things you keep saying you’ll change. And everyone around you keeps giving you those looks. The looks that confirm you are that hopeless bastard that you feel like you are.
I’m here to tell you that you’re not and you can get through this. And it’s not going to be easy. You’re in the midst of trying to undo the program you have created for yourself. You have trained your neurological networks in your brain to be someone you are not.
And just to put it into perspective, there are people who absolutely have it worse. You actually have a choice. There are children out there who don’t even have a voice.
They are beaten, they are raped, they are silenced against their will. They are threatened, they are abused and they absolutely have no choice whatsoever but to pretend and submit.
When you think about this…we’re all lucky because at least we have a choice whether or not we suffer. You see, we choose our suffering by not choosing our own selfs first.
We put on a mask, tell ourselves a story to hide, and then pretend it’s all okay. I can’t tell you how many times I walked into a room full of people and pretended to be okay when really I was dying inside.
Maybe it was the fight I just had with my family or a friend or a lover. Maybe it was the news about a family member that broke my heart. Maybe it was the fact that there are children suffering all over the planet.
We have become the great pretenders and it’s causing so many to live mediocre lives. Half truths. Half alive.
But I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You were born with a choice. It’s a part of living in a free will universe. In every moment you have decision to choose who you want to be and even if you choose seemingly wrong…guess what? You get to choose again. It’s so beautiful actually when you think about it. All every moment is–is you choosing to remember who you truly are. Life is a journey of remembering our wholeness.
And you know what’s really awesome? Your original essence is full of truth, love, and light. So in every moment you get to choose whether or not you’re in truth love and light–especially with yourself.
Did you hear that? I said especially with yourself.
Many times we are our own worst enemies.
Be gentle with your ego, shadows, and demons because you’re the one who created them. Be gentle with yourself because you’re the one that matters the most. Be gentle with everyone you meet because you have no idea what demons and monsters they have to presently or had to in the past slay to be the person standing in front of you in that very moment.
No one deserves to be demonized so be kind in every moment even when it’s hard. Speak your truth boldly but don’t tear people down–no matter how badly they hurt you. We don’t need to create anymore patterns for them or for us. We need to learn how to set people free with love.
In every moment we have a choice of who we decide to be. Are you going to continue to be silent with your truth? Are you going to be cruel and treat people with the darkness you cannot accept about yourself?
Because that’s all it ever really is–the darkness and evil you see in other people are parts of you that you have not fully accepted. We dish out the evil we have not yet learned to love about our own selves.
Are you going to choose to be kind in every moment no matter how hard it is (especially to yourself)? Are you going to have the courage to finally step up and be ALL of you?
Stop pretending. Stop hiding. Stop being cruel. You are more than the stories and masks you have created to be less.
You are more. You are more. You are more.
I hope you always choose to be more, to be kind and to be ALL of YOU.
Word Alchemy by @trinidaddeluz
Cover Art by @jessrachelsharp