Bundled up Sunday Morning, I headed to church for the first time in years. Well except for those occasional times I went with my sister in Montana for holiday services.
My mom asked me to go Saturday night and Sunday morning. I had lots of resistance. I knew it was important to her but it’s just not my cup of tea —at least that’s what I tell myself.
Saturday I said to my mom, “oh are you trying to make sure my soul is saved and I don’t burn in hell?”
She laughed. We all laughed. Religion is an interesting thing and I feel it’s full of so much fear. And I also know that it’s also full of a lot of love.
A lot of times on the other side of resistance there’s actually healing, lessons, and breakthroughs.
I’ve actually wanted to go back to church so I could experience worship. When I was Christian, worship was one of my favorite parts of being apart of this belief system. There’s something really powerful about singing to the Creator of the universe and it always brings my heart into a beautiful place. We’re vibrational beings and worship is about love for God Universe Source Great Spirit. This I absolutely resonate with.
This is why I also love singing mantras. I can feel the vibration bringing up my energetic body much like worship songs do.
So Sunday morning I went to church, trusting that everything was going to be for my best and highest. Knowing that they will start with worship, do announcements, collect tithes, have a sermon that moves you to change something in your life to focus more on God/Jesus, have a call to the altar to accept Jesus as lord and savior bc you can’t possibly change without him, then sing some more worship songs and then bless everyone to have a great day.
Yup, I know the formula—I used to work in mega churches in Texas and served in tons of other churches in Washington state. I know it intimately.
As the worship songs came on, they were beautiful and at times I felt tears coming to my eyes. I wanted to raise my hands in worship to the Creator but I resisted.
I could feel everyone’s hearts — I’m very sensitive to the energetic field and can easily tune into collective groups. They were so authentic and genuine in their love for God and honestly their love for Jesus. I love to witness their surrender and abandon to something greater than themselves. It’s beautiful really. I remember what that feels like.
I found myself singing the songs and not singing the parts about Jesus. Not that I have anything wrong with Christ. Jesus has been a powerful mentor and guide throughout my life. He’s come to me in visions and dreams. He has protected me on many occasions. He represents a powerful light in my life.
I’ve also had Kali, Ganesha, Isis, Thoth, Anubis, Metatron, Nataraja, Pele and several other ethereal beings come to me. I honestly had no idea who some of these were at first and had to look them up.
Now if I were to have this conversation about all these beings coming to me in visions with a Christian and tell them I’ve also had vivid memories of past lives — they would probably tell me it’s blasphemy, demonic, and I need to repent of my sins and witchcraft and ask Christ to be my lord and savior. I know bc I used to be one of those Christians. I have met some pretty mystical, radical and let’s say different Christians who do accept all these “mystical” “woo” “weird” “witchy” things about me.
My experience with my giftings being revealed and shared was one where I was called a witch and told I was mentally ill. I was told I had to take a psychology test to prove I was sane if I wanted to stay on staff at a mega church I worked at. I was doing things completely aligned with the Bible yet I was casted out of good grace for revealing these gifts even after many of them sent me on missions to help their family and friends. They believed the Spirit was with me but when things got weird af all of sudden I was a witch and mentally ill.
Christ said we would do even greater things then him yet when we do similar or greater things, many Christ followers freak out.
Interesting isn’t it?
So as I sat in service all of these things were bubbling in my chest. I could feel pain in my heart and I know I’m still healing from this. I also know it’s not just from this lifetime that I’m healing. It’s deep work. I held my heart & tapped it throughout the sermon and the guy next to me kept glancing over. I didn’t care.
The sermon was really good. It was about passion and apathy. He talked of being more childlike — a concept I completely resonate with. He talked about being apathetic and how it affects the people around you. I’m all thinking of frequencies, emotional intelligence and energetics as he’a talking. I appreciated his sermon and took a couple notes.
I also found myself checking out their production and remembering what it was like to put on services for thousands of people. My marketing and event mind definitely starting clinking away several times.
Here’s what I appreciated:
– the worship bc it was powerful
– the message bc there was a lot of truth
– the fellowship they have with each other
I remember being in fellowship and the beautiful people who were determined to change their “wicked” and “sinful” ways. It’s such a concept so foreign to me now. But I did appreciate how much they wanted to change and be more like Christ.
Jesus was the reason my spiritual mystical gifts woke up. He was the reason I became a “witch” and “mentally ill” (Aka operating in the spirit realm) based on what they all tried to curse me with. People are so fearful of the things they don’t understand. The thing is we all have gifts and people are too afraid to accept it about themselves. When they’re afraid, they project their fear out at others.
Right before my gifts woke up, I was guided in my spirit to only read the words of Jesus. So I did this over and over and over and this is how I started to hear the Holy Spirit. She’s powerful. And this is when my first spiritual awakening happened. I could hear God, Holy Spirit, Jesus and my angels. They were downloading me with some deep truths. It was powerful and humbling.
Jesus is amazing. He paved a way to show how powerful we all are. I realized in that service I was holding Jesus at a distance in my heart. I’ve been angry with the church for calling me names and really angry at a few people not the whole church. My mind associated the trauma with everyone. The thing is Jesus has been there for me more than most in my life. He’s a powerful being and an important guide.
I’ve been doing lots of healing in this area to forgive myself and forgive these people. My sister, my brother, my mom and lots of my family members are Christians. I love their faith and I respect their journey.
I know my mom worries for my soul and all her Christian friends do too. I’m not worried bc I’m following my heart, living in love and still worshiping God Source Creator Universe Great Spirit.
The life of Jesus is a message about love. I have learned that Krishna, Buddha, as well as other beings all have the story of love. Jesus teaches us to love ourself and others. I don’t think that Jesus once said “worship me for I am God.” I also don’t think he said “worship me.” I’m sure people will quote Bible verses but none of them will be actual words he spoke. This is not an invitation for you to search the Bible and then post a verse or send me a pm about it. If I want to know I can search myself.
Jesus talked about love. He showed the ways we all hurt and hate each other and how to transmute that. He talked in parables to show the truth. He talked about his Father – God Creator Source Universe Great Spirit – and prayed to God.
I’m not trying to get into a discussion about this or a theology debate. I’m also not trying to save anyone or get anyone to ask Jesus into their heart. I’m sharing my beliefs, truths and journey and they either resonate with you or they don’t. I’m not here to convince anyone of anything. I believe everyone has a choice to follow their own unique path.
And I know my spiritual journey is a lifelong journey and a journey I’ve had in multiple lifetimes. I respect others beliefs and I believe I deserve to find my own path. Everyone does.
I love my path and I love everything I’m learning. I’m going to be diving deeper into all my giftings so that I can use them to help guide others on their own journeys into themselves.
We are not beings limited by a religion or a belief system. We are powerful.
We are going to do even greater things than Jesus—I’ve had visions of it and now friends are having visions of me guiding people to do this also. I know it’s all coming.
I’m ready for people to be their powerful selves. I’m ready to help people unlock their giftings. We don’t have to hide anymore and we don’t have to be limited.
I don’t have to fear stepping into a church building. I don’t have to keep Jesus at a distance bc he’s an ally, a friend, a mentor and a guide. I don’t have to be angry with the church bc of the trauma I experienced.
I can learn from anyone and anything. I can see different perspectives and respect others beliefs, truths and journeys. I can love and worship God Creator Source Universe Great Spirit however I want and wherever I want.
I am powerful bc I am child of the Most High Shiva Shakti Holy Spirit Divine Mother Universe God Creator.
Choose your own spiritual journey.
Ask lots of questions.
Let your intuition guide you.
Don’t blindly believe in anything.
You didn’t come here to be a sheep.
You came here to be a light.
A light to yourself and others.
You were created to be powerful.
You were created to make a difference.
Be kind and compassionate to others.
And remember you are LOVE.
This is my own journey and my hope is that it somehow helps you too.