I held onto my trauma like it was a baby that needed to be cared for. I pulled the memories close to me because I wanted to claim them as “my” trauma. I replayed the trauma over and over in my mind. There were so many times that I felt like no one understood me or the pain of the memories. What I didn’t realize was every time I replayed the story of pain I was actually reinforcing the story.
We hold these memories captive and replay them over which in turn causes suffering if we haven’t learned how to process the emotions attached to the memories. We remember the pain and so does our body and we feel it and then we become uncomfortable in our bodies. Energy gets trapped bc we’ve trapped it and this stuck energy begins to send messages to our bodies that things are not okay. We tell our entire system that we’re unsafe and unloved. This begins an entire journey of eating poorly and our body becoming unhealthy bc of unnecessary stress we’re creating inside of ourselves. It’s wild how much our beliefs and emotions affect us and it’s also part of living this human existence.
When we attach a strong negative emotion to an event that happens to us we begin to believe that’s the truth of our reality. We start to be fearful and distrusting and we assume that things in life have to be hard or painful. The moment I decided I had to believe there was a different way of existing – a happier more fulfilling way of living – was the moment my freedom from the lies and illusions of pain started to melt away.
At the root of my pain we’re the thoughts that kept tearing me down or reminding me that I deserved pain or failure bc of my traumatic past. I would spend hours listening to all of these fictitious lies and then I would conclude them to be true. I followed the thoughts and believed that was my reality. Freedom also started when I started to take my mind back. I started to realize I am not the thoughts. I am not my actions and I am not my past. I am the awareness that is consciously choosing who I am in every moment.
Every moment needed my presence if I wanted to start creating the life of my dreams. If I wanted to be present I had to stop living in the past and letting past choices and decisions and traumas affect my present moment. I also had to stop creating fake scenerios of how the future would turn out. I can’t tell you how many fear stories I would create of my failure that would cause me anxiety in the present moment. Isn’t it funny how we constantly believe in made up stories in our minds that aren’t even happening? When we learn to be in the present moment – it’s truly powerful.
I remember going to counseling and they would have me talk about everything—bringing up the memories and emotions. They told me to exercise and eat healthy and then we would just talk about all the terrible things that happened to me. I can’t remember if I got any tools to help me along my journey. It was definitely a form of release to talk about it but it wasn’t helping me to overcome the fears, anxiety and pain I would feel in my body. Maybe I didn’t find the right person to counsel me at the time. What helped me was going on my own journey and finding as much information as possible on how to get out of the victim mentality, understanding how my brain works, and understanding emotions and the body as well as my awareness and intentions.
You’re only a victim until you take your power back and become responsible for all your decisions and actions. I still hear victim, negative, and limiting belief thoughts and now I’m much faster at shifting into the state of being I want to be in. I take the time to feel my emotions and understand where the thought is coming from and I constantly send myself so much love and compassion. We have to remember that we’ve been programmed by so many factors and it’s important to be gentle with ourselves as we transform all these limiting beliefs.
When I finally stopped being a victim to the trauma and I started programming my mind with the reality I wanted to create – the most magical situations started to happen. Desires in my heart started happening everywhere I turned bc I loved myself fully and trusted the Universe. I learned that everything is a mirror and my beliefs were attracting my reality. I changed my mindset, honored my emotions, and created practices that helped me get into the state I wanted.
Recently I was in a meditation and I heard Mama Gaia pacha mama Mother Earth say that trauma belongs to her. This is a powerful statement and as we tune into our body intelligence and our spirit being we can tune into ethereal beings. We all have a direct connection to the earth. When we take the time to be with her we can tune into her messages. Mother Earth told me we can ground our pain sorrow and trauma into the earth. She has the ability to transmute it and all of creation works together to transmute that energy. How powerful to know we have sentient beings who want to help us on the journey of healing.
Please stop holding onto your trauma like it’s a precious jewel that you keep obsessing over. It’s not yours to carry. It never was. What happened is NOT WHO you ARE. What happened always has a powerful lesson to teach you something about humanity. I’ve learned that the trauma that happened to me has made me stronger, given me a mission, and has helped me to have more compassion for other humans. I hope you realize the same because you deserve to have a beautiful life.
I’m committed to helping people in this journey of taking their power back. If any of this resonated and you would like to be in a container of transformation comment “I’m ready for freedom” and I’ll set up a time to chat. I only have a few spots left in my program and I’m hoping you decide to live the next decade as a more abundant powerful you by joining. You are powerful. You do deserve to have a beautiful life right meow. Your dreams can happen meow 😻😸😸
Cover Art: @sivan.ka